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 Глэм - жанр, бывший на пике своей популярности в 80-х, и, наряду с классическим трэшем, также испытавшим в 90-х кризис, сейчас он начинает подниматься с коленей; к глэму возвращается (хоть и медленно) интерес публики и музыкантов, одним из свидетельств чего является появление молодых команд, таких, как, например, Steel Panther.
Образованные в 2000 году, в 2009 они выпустили полноценный альбом, уже не самиздатом, как в 2003. Пусть в него вошли несколько старых песен, но, в большинстве своем, представлен был, все же, новый материал, что свидетельствует о том, что группа не склонна к топтанию на одном месте. Парни явно стараются быть одновременно и оригинальными, и верными традициям, совмещая тематику лирики, общую структуру композиций и настроение классического глэма с явными вкраплениями современного альтернативного рока. Получается весело, задорно, но... скучно. На альбоме представлено 17 песен, из них реально классная и драйвовая лишь одна - "Eyes Of A Panther", остальные воспринимаются мозгом, как однородный серый фон, безыдейный и скучный. Лишь немного выделяются "Turn On The Lights", "Hell's On Fire", "I Want Your Tits" (последняя, как можно догадаться уже по названию, благодаря эпатажной лирике). Остальные композиции производят впечатление даже не заезженности, а... натянутости, что-ли. Не покидает ощущение, будто парни писали их, не попивая пиво в гараже вместе с девчонками, а старательно сидели в костюмах за столом, с умным лицом, выдумывая как можно более провокационные названия трекам, вроде "I Want Pussy"; в воздухе витает доля неестественности и отсутствия развязанности, свойственной, например, Motley Crue, особенно ранним.
Стоит оговориться - это НЕ плохой альбом. Да, он однообразен, несколько неестественен и не может похвастаться оригинальностью. Но ребята стараются, у них, в целом, правильное понимание того, как нужно играть музыку в выбранном стиле. Итого - 4 балла +1 за Eyes Of A Panther +1 за старание и за их молодость (и неопытность). |
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( 3 )
1
Death to all but metal
Death to all but metal
Death to all but metal
Death to Papa Roach, Blink 182
All those fucking pussies sounds like doggy-doo
Wearing baggy pants, spiking up their hair
They're not worth the crust on my underwear
Where is Def Leppard? Where is Mötley Crüe?
Why do all my lyrics sound like Dr. Seuss?
Death to all but metal
Death to all but metal
Death to all but metal
Kills those fucking fuckheads who programme MTV
They can suck my ass with all the record companies
Death to Britney Spears, kill the little slut
Kill Madonna too and then fuck her in the butt
Fuck Mariah Carey, death to Sheryl Crowe
They can kiss each other on the camel toe
50 Cent's a fag, so is Kanye West
Shooting hot sperm on each others' chest
Death to all but metal
Death to all but metal
Death to all but metal
2. Asian Hooker
I'm in Tokyo
Looking for a Ho
Tried to score some blow
But I don't speak Japanese
Find a geisha girl
Take her for a whirl
Wrap a tuna roll on my dick
And the bitch is on her knees
Sucky Fucky
Sucky Fucky
Sucky Fucky
Smells like sushi
Asian Hooker!
Hot little motherfucker!
Asian Hooker!
Dirty Little Cocksucker!
I'm in South Korea
Broke out with Gonorrhea
Now I totally figured it out
That's why it hurts when I go pee
I feel like a jerk
Cuz my dick won't work
It's like i got punched in the nuts
By a dude who knows Thai-chi
Sucky Fucky
Sucky Fucky
Sucky Fucky
Smells like sushi
Asian Hooker!
Hot little mother fucker!
Asian Hooker!
Dirty Little Cocksucker!
Hey, I'm the man with a plan
I'm fuckin' going to Japan
Gonna spend a couple grand
Just fucking hookers in the can
Fuck the rest of the band
I'm fucking going to Asian
Do some coke and get a tan
I'm fuckin gonna be the man!
Asian Hooker!
Hot little mother fucker!
Asian Hooker!
Dirty Little Cocksucker!
I want them Asian
Hookers!
Let's fuck some Asian
Hookers!!!!
3. Community Property
I would give you the stars in the sky
But they're too far away
If you were a hooker, you'd know
I'd be happy to pay
If suddenly you were a guy
I'd be suddenly gay
'Cause my heart belongs to you
My love is pure and true
My heart belongs to you
But my cock is community property
You're the only girl that I like to screw
When I'm not on the road
When I come home, my dinner's made
And the front lawn is mowed
I'll kiss your mouth
Even after you swallow my load
'Cause my heart belongs to you
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do, for you
My heart belongs to you
But my cock is community property
I wanna make it clear
So you retain it
My dick's a free spirit
And you can't restrain it
No, you just can't chain it down
I love you so much it hurts
From my head to my feet
I think of you and I can't
Help but fondle my meat
I see your face every time
That I go out and cheat
'Cause my heart belongs to you
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
My heart belongs to you
But my dong is community property
Yeah, yeah, yeah
4. Eyes Of A Panther
Here we go
Whoa
Ooo whooa
She's looking good,
From head to toe
She's licking her paws
She's ready to go
Teeth like razors
And claws like knives,
She's ready to pounce on your ass
You know you won't survive!
She's got the eyes of a panther
She's got lips like Satan
She's got the eyes of a panther
And soon you'll be a matin'
She's got the eyes of a panther
She's making you crazy
Like a cat in heat
Got her claws running down your back
Wow under the sheets!
She's on the prowl meow!
Jaws ready to snap
Like a game of cat and mouse
You're caught in her trap!
She's got the eyes of a panther
And a tongue like a cow girl
She's got the eyes of a panther
You're gonna be her chow yeah!
She's got the eyes of a panther
She said
'Don't be afraid of heavy metal!
Don't be afraid to rock! To rock! To rock!'
She said don't be afraid now
So I won't...
You're hiding in the shadows
And you can hear her breath
Your heart's pounding like a bass drum
Boom Boom Boom
Ready to meet you death
She swats you down with a paw
She wants a meal, not a snack
She's onto bigger prey!
She's got the eyes of a panther
Yeah the cougar is a waitin'
She's got the eyes of a panther
There'll be no escaping
She's got the eyes of a panther
She got them eyes
She got them eyes
She got lies
She got teeth like razors
Eyes likes lasers
Ready to pounce
Your life is in danger
She got lies
5. Fat Girl
I saw her drinking beer
Eatin peanuts by the bar
I was pretty desperate and I knew she had a car
She said her name was Debbie
She was a friend Jenny Creggs
She had boobs like water melons and breathe like rotten eggs
I know your hungry
I can see it in your eyes
Cause your looking at me like I'm a side of fries
I want to take your chubby ass back to my place
And squirt my baby gravy all over your face Yeaaahh!!!
Woooooah woooooah
Thar she blows
Woooooah wooooah
Thar she blows
Fat girl
She everthing I wanted and more
Fat girl
She can't fit through the door
Woooooah woooooah
Thar she blows
I want to prove to you my feelings are for really
So I'm going to buy you a million happy meals yeah
I won't joke about your body if you only let me in
I want to sink my summer sausage into that double chin yeaaaahhhhh
Wooooah wooooah
Thar she blows
Wooooah wooooah
Thar she blows
Fat girl
Is riding my jock again
Fat girl
Is snacking on my cock againnnnnnnn
(ouch don't bite)
[Guitar solo]
My friends keep telling me I must be going blind
Cause you got cottage cheese all over your behind yeeahhh
Even though some people point and laugh at us
You can kick their ass cause your bigger than a busssssssssssss
Fat girl
I can't believe your eating again
Fat girl
Where does your neck begin
Wooooah wooooah
Thar she blows
Fat girl
Put my hotdog into your heart
Fat girl
Your really really tons of fat
Wooooah wooooah
Thar she blows
Wooooah wooooah
Thar she blows
Your my fat fat girl
You know I really love you
Cause you my fat fat girl
Woahhh
Come here baby where you going
(mooooo)
Your a cow
Come here baby hey
I love you
Ican't live without you
I can't live without you
Come here
Come here
[animal noises]
Its like a jungle in my apartment dude look at all those hot bitches and that one fat girl
6. Eatin' Ain't Cheatin'
I went down on her last night
From what i understand baby thats alright
I didn't screw her and thats the truth but i eat that vagina through and through
She rocked my stick and i blew my load
But right after, honey, i came home
I love you better than all the rest but eating out weekly i can't resist
So if you want to come with me, i'll show you what i mean
Eatin' ain't cheatin'
I don't know what your talking about
Eatin' ain't cheatin'
You should know that sucking ain't fucking
Eatin' ain't cheatin'
Now i'm just a man in a band
I'm eatin out the bitches as fast as i can
Licky clitty clitty
Tonging that twat
Its finger licking good
Baby why should i stop
If you want to have a seat i'll clear a place on my face yeah
Eatin' ain't cheatin'
I'm backstage only using my mouth
Eatin' ain't cheatin'
Baby munchings jusy lunching yeah
Uhhhhh [licking sound]
Ummmm Yeah
Now Licky!!!!!
[Guitar Solo]
It doesn't make me unfaith unless i'm laying down the cable (cable cable)
Ahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
Eatin' ain't cheatin'
You should know sucking ain't fucking
Eatin' ain't cheatin'
I'm telling all the girls around the world
Eatin'
Eatin' ain't cheatin'
Eatin'
Eatin' ain't cheatin'
7. Party All Day
When I was only three,
My mom said to me,
"don't go to school with a skanky ho,
Or you're gonna get vd"
When i was seventeen,
I boned a kooky bitch
A couple days later, my balls swelled up,
And my crotch began to itch
But thats when i totally knew,
What god wanted me to do,
Whoooaa!
Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey!
Fuck all night, and party all day!
Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey!
Fuck all night and party...all day
(check it out)
Now i'm in a bitchin' band,
And i'm banging every nun
I don't care if she's a trailer ho,
And she's got big freakin eyes.
I get up in the afternoon,
'Cuz i ain't got a stupid job
I drink some beer and i watch cartoons,
While the slut polishes my knob
Smoke and drink in school,
Thats what i was born to do,
Whoooaaa!
Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey!
Fuck all night, and party all day!
Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey!
Fuck all night and party...all day
Now God's looking down on me,
saying, "Hey man, way to pay!"
Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey!
Fuck all night, and party all day!
Whoa, ohhh, oh oh, hey, hey, hey!
Fuck all night and party...All day
Fuck fuck fuck yeah,
Fuck yeah!
...Fuck yeah, dude.
8. Turn Out The Lights
So you're big and kinda hairy
Like a monkey at the zoo
I don't care if you're a monkey
With an ass that's red and blue
Cause I'm gonna fuck you doggy-style
The way chihuahua's do
But I got one request
That I just have to ask of you
Turn out the lights
Before you suck my dick
Someone beat you with an ugly stick
I wanna fuck, but you make me sick, so
Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights
So you think that I'm a loser
Cause I used to be in Jail
And I got my GED Diploma
Last week in the mail
Well at least a man can exercise
If he gets too fat
But I got news for you
Your face will always look like that
Turn out the lights
Before I take a ride
You don't seem to have a "good side"
Whip out a condom and the astro-glide
Turn out the lights Turn out the lights
I think I'm gonna hurl
Jesus Christ I hope that you're a girl
Open your mouth, baby, here come the pearls
Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights
Tell me when it's over
Please tell me you don't have VD
Thank god that it's over, yeah
Well we all have indiscretions
I think you're my BIGGEST yet
Had to roll you in some flour
Just to find where you were wet
Well this never would've happened
If I hadn't lost that bet
I wonder if our grand-kids
Will ask us how we met
Turn out the lights
Girl it's way to bright
I don't wanna look at your cellulite
There ain't nothing on your body that's tight
Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights
Before you take off your clothes
I wanna tie you up with some garden hose
Slap your tits and rub my balls on your nose
Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights
Before we do the deed
Before I cover your box with my seed
I'm gonna pound ya 'till ya fucking start to bleed, bitch
Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights
9. Stripper Girl
I met you down at the Seventh Veil
The first night that I got out of jail
Your lips were red and your skin was pale
You were the one that I wanted to nail
Yeah.
I asked you for a table dance
You came over and put your hands in my pants
I ain't lookin' for no wild romance
but by the way: hey you got any blow?
Stripper girl
Heaven sent, pay my phone bill, pay my rent
Stripper girl
I love you, all my friends really love you too
I really love your boobies
I wanna love you til the end of time
I wanna love you in a 69
I wanna love you where the sun don't shine
Hey, where'd you put that coke? Cool.
[*Sniff*]
Take my cock into your backdoor
I wanna fuck you fuckin' whore
I wanna jam it in and out at a real fast pace
Til I squirt hot juicy all over your face
Stripper girl
Heaven sent, take one look and I pitch a tent
Stripper girl
You're the best, up all night on crystal meth
Yeah!
Sometimes you think that I'm a jerk
When you catch me fucking your friends from work
I'll be there to catch you when you fall
If you buy me an iPhone you can give me a call
[Guitar solo]
I really love you baby
I wanna watch you dance
I didn't mean to fuck your friend
Give me one more chance
Stripper girl
On my lap, hope I didn't give you the clap
Stripper girl
I need some cash, get on stage and shake that ass
Stripper girl
Heaven sent, thanks again for payin' my rent, yeah
Stripper girl
Stripper girl
Stripper girl
Stripper girl
Stripper girl
10. The Shocker
(Are you ready baby)
(oooh)
(ahh yeah)
Extra Extra read all about it
I wanna show you guys something new
Now If your having trouble just getting a boner
Here's something cool that'll work for you
It's way better than a Dirty Sanchez
Some will say that its a bit extreme
Close your eyes and spread your legs now
What I'm about to do will make you scream
You better lube it up cuz its easier to get it deeper in
in her hole til she screams
Two in the Pink and one in the stink
Thats called the Shocker
Two in the Pink and one in the stink
Give her the Shocker
It's easy to find chicks that really dig it
In the city or in the town
You can spot a rookie who's been using the shocker
He walks around with a pinky thats brown
When ya do too much butter sugar
And your hard meat stick won't stand
add your middle finger to a fist of metal and spread the shocker all across the land
Its time to raise your hands and salute the movement that rocks all girls
you won't learn this at school
so pay attention here
Two in the Pink and one in the stink
Thats called the Shocker
Two in the Pink and one in the stink
Give her the Shocker
You can do it in the bathroom or do it in your car
or do it in the alley right behind the bar
Two in the Pink and one in the stink
Thats called the Shocker
Yeah!!
[solo]
Two in the Pink and one in the stink
Thats called the Shocker
Two in the Pink and one in the stink
Give her the Shocker
You can do it in the bathroom or do it in your car
or do it in the alley right behind the bar
Two in the Pink and one in the stink
Thats called the Shocker
Here it comes!
[solo]
Shock Shock Shocker
Shock Shock Shocker
Shock Shock Shocker
Shock Shock Shocker
Come on and Shocker
Do you wanna 20 balls of heavy metal power
in your vagina and your butthole too
[*blown kiss*]
11. Girl From Oklahoma
Well, I bet you never guessed
When you came to the show
You'd be getting on the bus with me
And doing some blow
your mama's in the parking lot
Looking for you
She's gonna find you when I'm done
All covered with goo
Oooh, mama's little girl got all sticky
Hair on your nipples
Zits on your box
In Oklahoma city
You're considered a fox
What did you have to do
For that backstage pass
'Cause I found a Poison laminate inside of your ass
So come on pretty baby
Suck my balls all night
The driver says we're leaving
Come morning light
Spit out that retainer and do me right
Oooh, come on pretty baby, suck my balls all night
Yeah that's it
Aaah, you're a good girl
I wanna thank you for the loving
That you spread over me
I'll be singing about you
On the next CD
And you won't have to wonder
If you caught VD
You'll be screaming my name
When you sit down to pee
Hey Michael Starr you motherfucker
Whoa, whoa
So come on pretty baby
Suck my balls all night
I'm hopped on Cialis
And you're high as a kite
I know it tastes infected
But I think it's alright
Oooh, come on pretty baby, suck my balls all night
All around the world
There's a hundred billion stupid girls
Just like you
Just begging for nuts to chew
So come on pretty baby
Suck my balls all night
Your daddy's looking for me
And he's ready to fight
The Driver says we're leaving
Come morning light
Oooh, come on pretty baby, suck my balls all night
So come on pretty baby
Suck my balls all night
I'm hopped up on Cialis
And you're high as a kite
I know it tastes infected
But I think it's alright
Oooh, come on pretty baby, suck my balls all night
Come on pretty baby
Suck my balls all night
The driver says we're leaving
Come morning light
Spit out that retainer
And do me right
Oooh, come on pretty baby, suck my balls all night
So come on pretty baby
Suck my balls all night